remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize