My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
