i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize