i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
