my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
time to smoke my breakfast
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
