I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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