i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
