I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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