I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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