no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
