Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
