He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
