i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
operation have a gay friend backfired
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
