I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
