Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
