My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
