it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
