Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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