He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
