You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
