Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
