oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
