I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I wish they made helmets for livers.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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