oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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