Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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