Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
two words...techno handjob
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
