If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
