his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We're too hungover to prance.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
