I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Farmville is her only friend.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
