Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Dignity is for republicans.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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