dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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