Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wish you could order shots online.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize