the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
