of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
