I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
