Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
