Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize