just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
