Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
