you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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