worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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