My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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