Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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