We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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