no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
