tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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