Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
