Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
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