I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
