Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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