I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
whose parrot is this?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
