where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
