he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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