If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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