I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I came so hard my ears popped.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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