I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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