Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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