so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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