I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
not ubering you a puppy
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize