Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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