the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
