I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
