I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
