you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
