I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
