Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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