I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize