I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
