so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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