So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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