Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize