I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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