need another drink. this is the easiest way
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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