i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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