I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
