I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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