Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize