Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
